In fact, it has yet to go far enough.
In the wake of Ontario’s provincial Conservative leader being accused of sexual harassment and assault, I’ve been receiving messages from people that maybe #MeToo has gone too far; maybe it’s backfiring; men don’t know what they can do anymore; men think all women are man-haters.
I received such a message this morning, and I am sick to death of hearing things like “men think if they kindly pat a woman on the back, they’ll be accused of sexual harassment.”
For. Fuck. Sakes.
Here’s a response I wrote to a woman this morning who has these ‘concerns’:
I don’t know that I have an answer for you here. For far too long, girls, women, and some boys and men have suffered at the hands of men and there have been no consequences.
Men who have not done terrible things to anyone in the past need not be worried. False accusations are no more a thing in the world of sexual assault allegations than they are in any other crime (about 2%).
So, I’m not super concerned about alienating men, to be quite frank. Those who’ve done nothing wrong or who would do nothing wrong, have nothing to worry about and most of the ones I know are in full support of the #MeTooand #TimesUp movements.
Men have long said that feminists are man-haters. And they’ve long been dead wrong about that. Men who say supporters of #MeToo are man-haters are also dead wrong. There is no man-hating here, there is only finally mustering the courage to call out what’s been happening to too many girls and women for far too long.
Men who aren’t sure if they can touch a woman in any way can simply ask. And most men know for certain that “if they kindly pat a woman on the back” there are no grounds for a sexual harassment or assault case there…unless they repeatedly do it after being asked not to.
I am sick to death of the whole “men don’t know what they can do anymore” bullshit.
“Now men are expected to keep asking if the woman is still okay with this?”
Yes. What is the fucking problem with that?
How do people not get how fucking hot it is to hear a breathless “do you want me to do x to you?” or a “please give me more of that.”
Enthusiastic, ongoing consent is fucking hot. End of.
Accusing men of sexual harassment and sexual assault is not fun for women. We do not look forward to doing it. We do not look or wait for opportunities to do it.